Morning sickness, my ass! How about night, afternoon, tea time, lunch time, bed time and all through the night time sickness. Now that would be more in keeping with the truth!
I knew the projectile vomiting I was experiencing for most of my waking hours was to be attributed to ‘normal’ morning sickness. How any female survives the 6 weeks or so ‘Exorcist’ remake I will never know. The waves of nausea are relentless. It is a never ending barrage of feeling sick, being sick and finding a new best friend in the bathroom that you seem to spend most of your time hugging and pleading with. No man will ever understand the totally exhausting drain the constant feeling of nausea puts upon your body. It is a misery that takes over your life for those first, few, hormonal weeks and you truly believe that you will never feel human again.
Then suddenly you can eat without hurling, you can smell aromas like coffee or wet mops without taking part in your own personal sprinting session to the nearest fluid receptacle. You are overjoyed and can actually start to enjoy being a ‘Grow bag’ for your little offspring. Until you give yourself something else to worry about!
I had another appointment at the clinic and this time I was to take in the movement chart, given to me on the last check up. Jade always managed to move the required ’10’ times per day but that was about it. There were no huge movements or reactions to loud noises at all. I often felt I was being over dramatic with my concerns. After all, Jade was my first baby and I really did not know what to expect. Like most new mums I poured over books and magazines, eager to see how big my baby was at certain weeks, how far the baby had developed and as I knew I was expecting a little girl, all the latest nursery colour schemes and gorgeous baby clothes.
I started to question my pregnancy after Jades movements seemed to be far less than what appeared to be the norm amongst other new mums. I mentioned the lack of movement to the nurse at my next ante natal. She in turn mentioned it to the Doctor who checked Jade and said everything was fine. I voiced my concerns again at the next visit. After the rolling eyes ‘look’ was passed between the Nurse and Doctor. Clearly I was a Diva!
I was given an ultrasound and the measurements of Jades head were taken. She was a little smaller than they would have liked and I was asked to return again in 2 weeks for another check-up.
More visits to the clinic ensued and each event was the same. Movements checked, ultrasound given and the ‘Baby is a bit small’ conclusion. Jade’s first album was made up purely of Sonography pictures. A mass of thin, shiny paper squares, all showing the same ‘Alien’ image from different angles. I have never understood how new parents manage to fall instantly in love with a black and white, grainy ‘Skeletor’ lookalike, let alone start making family, facial connections.
I was reassured each time I attended. Yes Baby was smaller but everything was fine. Mum was to stop worrying and enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy, as life as I knew it, was soon to be over…This delivered by an all too smiley nurse who clearly, was aware that the designer mascara and lippy I was wearing was soon to be a thing of the past.
It did not matter really, none of it did. Because I knew something was wrong.